Wednesday, September 30, 2009
WARNING LABELS
ARES God of WAR 0 Aresians
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Ultimate KI Notes
Social Science notes according to the top-secret formula Dr Ang gave us today!
http://bit.ly/4DJ5q
ARES God of WAR 0 Aresians
Butterfly Effect
[KI Tutorial]
Dr Ang: Show me your brains. *points marker*
[Maths Lecture]
Max: *quoting TTOTS*
"Study what your heart affects..." OKAY I'M DROPPING H2 MATHS.
Note: The fact that Lit was quoted during Maths is itself a win.
[Randomness at the Class Bench]
Kwangchian: You should marry Darryl. Stacy Ho. That's a nice name.
Hofai: Why would anyone marry for the surname?
Stacy: There are plenty of Hos in the sea.
Stacy: What's that song?
Hofai: Innocence, by Avril Lavigne.
Stacy: Anal sex?
Edit: During the writing of this post....
Hofai: Actually i think she said "inner sex"
Benjy: Inner sex? Is there a outer sex?
Tracy&Benjy: Inner sex, outer sex, inner outer grab pull!
For those who don't get it, say it out loud.
Benjamin: There's a butterfly on your shoulder!
Tianyu: Oh. Whoh.
[Later. The butterfly does not move.]
Tianyu: Are you f***ing dead?
[Later. The butterfly still does not move.]
Tianyu: It won't come off! Shoo shoo shoo! *tugs on shirt*
[Later. The butterfly still does not move.]
Tianyu: Should I bring you home?
[Later. The butterfly moves. A little.]
Hofai: Why does it stick to you?
Tianyu: It likes me. *whoo*
ARES God of WAR 0 Aresians
Monday, September 28, 2009
KI Notes
Blogger formatting seriously screws everything up.
Here's a link to a compiled collection of KI notes so far. Except for Science, Maths and Social Sciences - those will be posted up in another link.
http://tinyurl.com/2w4apm
Okay? Okay.
ARES God of WAR 0 Aresians
Sunday, September 27, 2009
What "Proof" makes us do
Ms Heng: *reads from Proof*
"How old are you? / It doesn't matter, how old are you. Listen..." *gasp*
Kwangchian: Say it!
Tianyu: Fuck you!
Kwangchian: He stole your spotlight!
All: HAHAHA
Ms Heng: *disapprovingly looks on with mouth agape*
Kwangchian: He asks for her age, she's like "fuck you"... so the "fuck you" used here is actually significant.
Ms Heng: Of course! All the "fuck you"s are significant!
All: *cheers*
Zeyu: But maybe we could try this interpretation... [explains]
Ms Heng: ... I think we're in different worlds.
Tianyu: Yeah, fuck you!
ARES God of WAR 0 Aresians
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Quotes: Live from PW Period
Tianyu: Then if Un goes to L, and Un+1 goes to L...
Max and Benjamin: HAHAHA
Rest of class: ...?
[Later]
Edwin: They heard "if Un goes to hell"...
[Later]
Ms Huang: Yeah. With all U guys, it's like L.
[PW tutorial]
Mr Quek: What are you playing? Chee Ko Peh?
[Randomness at the Class Benches]
*Zeyu sticks a rose into the class bench*
Eugene: Eh? Who died?
ARES God of WAR 0 Aresians
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Rules of A10
1. Do not talk about /b/ki/.
2. Do NOT talk about /b/ki/.
3. In everything, there's KI, enough said.
4. Say one thing, but always mean your mother.
5. Freudian Slips FTW.
6. Double Entendre FTW.
7. Quotes FTW.
8. Puns FTW.
Edit: Rules are now posted on the sidebar!
ARES God of WAR 0 Aresians
Monday, September 21, 2009
Presenting: Adam was screwed and the Lollipop Man!
S.O.B
Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done my child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "But father he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"
Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so St. Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"
The first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell-but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge, and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."
"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.
The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.
"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."
Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.
The third man came to the front of the line, and again the whole process was repeated. Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.
"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding naked inside a refrigerator..."
Electrifying
Two old pensioners are taking a trip down memory lane by going back to the place where they first met.
Sitting at a café, the little old man says, "Remember the first time I met you over 50 years ago? We left this cafe, went round the corner behind the gas works, and I gave you one from behind."
"Why, yes, I remember it well, dear," replies the little old lady with a grin.
"Well, for old time's sake, let's go there again. and I'll give you one from behind."
The two pensioners pay their bill and leave the cafe. A young man sitting next to them has overheard the conversation and smiles to himself, thinking it would be quite amusing to see two old pensioners at it. He gets up and follows them. Sure enough, he sees the two pensioners near the gas works. The little old lady pulls off her knickers and lifts up her dress.
The old man pulls down his pants and grabs the lady's hips, and the little old lady reaches for the fence. Well, what follows is 40 minutes of the most athletic sex the man has ever seen. The little old man is banging away at the little old woman at a pace that can only be described as phenomenal. Limbs are flying everywhere, the movement is a blur, and they do not stop for a single second. Finally, they collapse and don't move for an hour.
Well, the man is stunned. Never in his life has he ever seen anything that equates to this -- not in the movies, not from his friends, not from his own experiences.
Reflecting on what he has just seen, he says to himself, "I have to know his secret. If only I could shag like that now, let alone in 50 years' time!"
The two old pensioners have by this time recovered and dressed themselves. Plucking up courage, the man approaches the pensioner.
He says, "Sir, in all my life I have never seen anybody shag like that, particularly at your age. What's your secret? Could you shag like that 50 years ago?"
The pensioner replies, "Son, 50 years ago, that fucking fence wasn't electrified."
The New Priest
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous that he could hardly speak. After mass, he asked the Monsignor how he had done.
The Monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
The next Sunday, he took the Monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon when he got nervous, he took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:
Sip the vodka; don't gulp.
There are 10 commandments, not 12.
There are 12 disciples, not 10.
Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
Jacob wagered his donkey; he did not "bet his ass."
We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as daddy, junior, and the spook.
David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit outta him.
When David was hit by a stone and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
We don't refer to the cross as the "Big T."
When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper, he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me."
The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the cherry."
The recommended grace before a meal is not "Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God."
Seems God was just about done creating the universe, had a couple of left-over things left in his bag of creations, so he stopped by to visit Adam and Eve in the Garden.
He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to stand up and pee. "It's a very handy thing," God told the couple who he found hanging around under an apple tree. "I was wondering if either one of you wanted that ability."
Adam popped a cork. Jumped up and begged, "Oh, give that to me! I'd love to be able to do that! It seems the sort of thing a Man should do. Oh please, oh please, oh please, let me have that ability. I'd be so great! When I'm working in the garden or naming the animals, I could just let it rip, I'd be so cool. Oh please God let it be me who you give that gift to, let me stand and pee, oh please........." On and on he went like an excited little boy (who had to pee).
Eve just smiled and shook her head at the display. She told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, and it sure seemed to be the sort of thing that would make him happy, she really wouldn't mind if Adam were the one given the ability to stand up and pee.
And so it was. And it was...well, good.
"Fine," God said, looking back into his bag of left-over gifts.
"What's left here? Oh yes, multiple orgasms..."
The Missionary
A young missionary had just taken up a new post in a remote Maori village. The young man was the first white man to set foot in the area in quite some time. Upon entering the village he was quite distressed at the liberal attitude towards sexual practices and began to preach chastity to his new flock with a vengeance.
10 months later the daughter of the chief gives birth to a white baby. As the missionary is the only white man around the chief furiously confronts him. "You preach chastity to me and all the time you are doing the devils work with my daughter. I'm going to kill you , you hypocrite." "No it wasn't me" stammered the missionary "It's just a freak of nature."
"Oh sure! A black woman gives birth to a white baby and you're the only white man for miles and you call it a freak of nature. Now I'm going to kill you slowly." "No, it's true" responded the missionary. "It's called an albino. These sort of strange things happen all the time. See those sheep on the hill.
Look, all the lambs are white except for one black one." With that the chief looks around and in a conspiritorial tone replies, "Look , I'll do you a deal. I'll forget about the baby if you forget about the sheep.
OK?"
Financial Problems
A husband and wife were having difficulty surviving financially so they decided that the wife should try prostitution as an extra source of income.
The husband drove her out to a popular corner and informed her he would be at the side of the building if she had any questions or problems.
A gentleman pulled up shortly after and asked her how much to go all the way. She told him to wait a minute and ran around the corner to ask her husband. The husband told her to tell the client $100. She went back and informed the client at which he cried "That's too much!". He then asked "How much for a handjob?" She asked him to wait a minute and ran to ask her husband how much.
The husband said "Ask for $40." The woman ran back and informed the client.
He felt that this was an agreeable price and began to remove his pants and underwear. Upon the removal of his clothing the woman noticed that the man was well hung.
She asked him once more to wait a moment. She ran around the corner again at which her husband asked "Now what?"
The wife replied "Can I borrow $60?"
Clinton Visits School
Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a "TRAGEDY". One little boy stands up and offers, "If my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street when a car came along and killed him, that would be a TRAGEDY."
"No," Clinton says, "That would be an ACCIDENT."
A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved... that would be a TRAGEDY."
I'm afraid not," explains Clinton. "That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS." The room is silent; none of the other children volunteer. "What?" asks Clinton. "Isn't there any one here who can give me an example of a TRAGEDY?"
Finally, a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he speaks: "If an airplane carrying Bill and Hillary Clinton were blown up by a bomb, *that* would be a TRAGEDY." "Wonderful!" Clinton beams. "Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a TRAGEDY?"
"Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be an ACCIDENT, and it certainly would be no GREAT LOSS!"
Dear God
A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write GOD a letter requesting the $100.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to GOD USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. President Clinton thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to GOD, which read:
Dear GOD,
Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual those bastards deducted $95.00.
The Religious Bear
In the middle of a forest, there was a camper who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear. In his fear, all he could do was run as fast as he could.
The camper ran and ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. His hopes were dim.
Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the camper got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, "Dear God! Please give this bear some *religion*!"
The skies darkened and there was lightning in the air. Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused.
Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky and said, "Thank you, God, for the food I'm about to receive...."
And the Lollipop Man!
Lollipop Man
Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia. One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly the Sheik came in.
"I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me.
You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will be punished in a way corresponding to your profession."
The sheik turns to the first man and asks him what he does for a living.
"I'm a cop", says the first man.
"Then we will shoot your penis off!", said the sheik.
He then turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living.
"I'm a firemen", said the second man.
"Then we will burn your penis off!", said the sheik.
Finally, he asked the last man, "And you, what do you do for a living". And the third man answered, with a sly grin, "I'm a lollipop salesman!"
ARES God of WAR 0 Aresians
Sunday, September 20, 2009
KI wiki
(As opposed to simply nodding sagely.)
On another note, I tried to click the "History" tab under History to get more info. I got a list of recent changes to the document. PWND.
ARES God of WAR 0 Aresians
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Dr Mercer's KI wiki woot
http://knowledgeandinquiry.wikispaces.com/
Please sign in using kilmea10@gmail.com kthxbai
ARES God of WAR 0 Aresians
Monday, September 14, 2009
UPCOMING
2. Max's top-scoring script for KI CA Test scans (if he agrees to it)
COMING SOON
TO A CLASS BLOG NEAR YOU
ARES God of WAR 0 Aresians
Friday, September 11, 2009
HI A10
In the meanwhile, if you're reading this, you probably shouldn't be. Go study for promos now now now.
STACY~
ARES God of WAR 0 Aresians
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Patriotism.
Please note that those are not my bras.
ARES God of WAR 0 Aresians
Friday, September 4, 2009
more luzs for teh holz.
ARES God of WAR 0 Aresians
Teh Lulz for Teh Holz
Happy holz to allz.
And also, in the future (as far as
[KI Tutorial]
Chewfei: Stop swearing!
Edwin and Tracy: *on either side of Chewfei* F***! (repeatedly)
Chewfei: ... Music to my ears.
[Lit Tutorials]
Ms Ho: There are three characters in this poem: Love, me, and "thee". Who is "thee"?
Darryl: Your mom.
Ms Ho: I love thee... Thou loves me... Like Barney.
Ms Ho: Love is linked to the god of...?
Tianyu: Love, maybe?
Ms Ho: War.
Max, Yicheng: ARES!
Ms Ho: Nature is natural.
Ms Ho: You guys are excited by an ant!
[Later]
Zeyu: The ant is back!
[The next tutorial]
Multiple people: The poetic ant is back!
Ms Ho: ... be my love...
Max: 16th century pickup line!
Ms Ho: "Roses" and "posies". What is this? A half eye rhyme? Eye half rhyme?
Darryl: Not-a-rhyme.
Edwin: This poet makes use of a not-a-rhyme.
[Lit Lecture]
We learned about opposites today... More fun than primary school.
Ms Heng: What is the opposite of "Seductive"?
Max: Kwangchian!
Max: HAHAHA
Yicheng: Ms Heng!
Ms Heng: Just because I don't turn on my charms doesn't mean I don't have any.
LT: *applauds*
Ms Heng: I look forward to marking your promos. *rubs hands*
Yicheng: oO
Ms Heng: "Passion"?
Yicheng: FRUIT!
Ms Heng: "Control"?
Jinghao: Chaos!
Darryl: Madness!
Yicheng: SPARTAAA!
[Maths Lecture]
Lecturer: Can we conclude all the dominos will fall?
Tianyu: No. Problem of Induction.
09A10: HAHAHA
Rest of the LT + Lecturer: ...?
[Randomness at the Class Benches]
Tracy: What happened to your hand?
Darryl: I got into a fight with the floor.
Benjamin: The floor won.
Darryl: No, I did. I f***ed it real good.
*Stacy wears her hair down*
Tianyu: You look like a pontianak now!
Stacy: You look like a joker all the time!
Senior: I added embarassing photos of you in the montage. Like the one of you and Shenhong in the car.
Tag: What car?
Senior: How I know?
Max: Like, in the back seat?
Senior: Yeah! *laughs*
Tag: Oh!... That night.
All: HAHAHA
Tag: We were drunk and stupid.
All: HAHAHA
Tag: At least we know none of us will get pregnant.
On that note, good luck to all teh seniors!
(and to us, too.)
ARES God of WAR 0 Aresians
Thursday, September 3, 2009
wait - quote time
There's actually a lot of quotes - this is just to tide the time over.
On a side note, could the H1 Maths peeps get some H1 Math quotes?
[Maths Tutorial]
Ms Huang: You're in the integrated programme so you can differentiate yourself from the rest.
Max: So this is what the maths department does all day.
Max: What's C' (C prime)?
Ms Huang: Image!
Max: I keep thinking about Optimus Prime.
[Randomness at Class Benches]
Zeyu: Is he fat?
Stacy: No, he's just round.
Bodong: Hey, go get econs notes from the bookshop.
Jinghao: How you know got econs notes?
Bodong: I'm omnipotent.
[Later]
Bodong: Eh no, omniscient. I'm so omnipotent I make grammar mistakes.
Tag: Go away. This is my class bench. [To Hofai] You think you can draw can chase me away? You think you fac come big ah can chase me away? [To Zeyu] You think you counsellor pro ah? I counsel you lah. [To Darryl] You think you fat. ... F**k off.
ARES God of WAR 0 Aresians